ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
