oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
