I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
