I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
