I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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