dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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