Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So vagazzling was a success
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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