1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
