i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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