he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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