we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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