The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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