Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
