I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
