You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
vagina is talking i cant
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
