i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
