she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
