dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
