The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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