She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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