We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
