I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
