I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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