Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
