True but thats because hes a fetus.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You are a genius and a whore.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
