It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
