I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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