Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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