after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
