i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
