Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
