Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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