i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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