i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
