one might say we're banned from that church
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
