I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
