i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
