If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
