i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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