youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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