I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
whose parrot is this?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
