If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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