I don't usually arrange sex via text message
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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