What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
