We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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