I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In America we eat man semen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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