Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize