thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
