Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
