some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
