Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
