Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
