don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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