It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
