he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
