Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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