She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
