How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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