are you still at the devil's house?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
