His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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