We're facebook friends in real life
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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