You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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