Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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