grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
