i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize