Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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