Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
