Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
