He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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