so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
