I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my being single is dangerous.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
