I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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