Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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