i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
