He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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