I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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