the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
