please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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