How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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