so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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