remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The power of my boobs compel you
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
